Friday, August 18, 2006

When Van Themes Go Wrong

Look, I love ninjas. I think they're cool how they're all silent and sneaky, and their swords can cut the red off a Baboon's ass. But one place that does not bode well for ninjas is the side of a van...

Case and Point:

Seriously, this is an awesome van, sans mural. I believe it's a Chevy shortbox street van originally.

Bad: A ninja with a bow and arrow. Where is the killer blade? Or some nunchucks, or those knives that Raphael used to have on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?
Good: Three fucking slim windows over the back wheel; Killer exterior blind on the rear window; choice rear spoiler
Better: Well, well, well...

Do you see this interior? It's like blood fucking red crushed velvet! This dude is lucky I don't live near him and I haven't been drinking Ol' Grandad, or he'd find me buck naked rolling around in this thing at 3 AM.

I just got back from Vegas, and this interior is 1000 times better than the jib joint we stayed at. Matching velvet curtains, people! Those three slim windows are the perfect look-out for when you're slidin into home with the tall drink of water you just met at the local A&P or Town Square Dance. This dude knows why you pick a ponytail over pigtails...

So who is this diabolical mastermind? Where did he get his inspiration? Well...

1. He's german.
2. This van resides in Germany.
3. The all-black kind of freaks me out.

My german translation skills have crapped the bed, but this guy is automatically entered into our "Van Owner of the Year" competition. And if you ever see this guy on the street, I leave it up to you whether you should shake his hand or run like hell...


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