Monday, August 07, 2006

Anatomy of a Van...

I'm a simple man, and I like simple vans, and I remember the day I scoped this van out near Richmond and Dunlavy in Houston, TX. I had to circle the block 3 times because the guy that got out of it kept looking around and hanging real close, like he was going to bolt.

Points of interest on this van:

1. Rear Ladder - In case you gotta climb on top of your van to jump the fence into the orphanage, the rear ladder provides a discrete, albeit useful means of going the extra mile.

2. Giant Paint Splash - Can't afford that lovely two or three-tone conversion van (1985 Dodge would be my choice)? Easy solution - just toss on some leftover white paint you found in the garage of your last vic. Plays hell when cops are trying to track you down...

3. All-Metal Spare Cover with license plate mount - Sadly, Texas now requires two plates on your car, but man oh man, back when they allowed a single plate, this was the perfect accessory. With Johnny Law hot on your tracks, a strategic jerk on the steering wheel could send this pre-loosened spare tire flying into the ditch, along with any identification or hope of finding that missing child.

DISCLAIMER: I am going to hell. No need to remind me. And my car is already full, so if you need a ride, talk to this dude:


Blogger Rustam khan said...

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6:36 AM  
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